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Murder support

Support for children bereaved by murder

For a child bereaved by murder, the support they need will be very similar to that given to a child bereaved by other traumatic events. However, the child can feel particularly vulnerable because:

    • They are trusting and therefore may find it difficult to understand that a person has killed someone;
    • What happened to the murdered person is very frightening;
    • They may not understand the way in which the person died because of the language used, e.g. asphyxiation;
    • They may feel that they too could be murdered, especially if the perpetrator has not been caught;
    • Their home may become the focus of attention for the media, asking questions and taking photographs;
    • The police will also be in their home, taking statements, asking for recent photographs and possibly arranging TV appeals;
    • It will be painful to see reports of the crime, watching people talk dispassionately about the event and the deceased in TV news bulletins;
    • The funeral may be a very public affair;
    • If and when the perpetrator is apprehended, there will be a court case, which will also attract media attention;
    • The family will relive the nightmare during the court proceedings;
    • The family will have to come to terms with the court’s verdict and sentencing;
    • They will continue to see murder ‘acted out’ on television. A child is expected to cope with all of the above, attend school, listen, learn and keep emotions under control.

Observing a child’s grief is not easy and adults often try to protect the child by not giving them the full facts,but children, with support, can deal with hearing the truth. Children will also try to protect the adult by hiding their feelings and appearing to be over their grief long before they are. Adults can help children with their grief by:

    • Being honest with them as they are likely to hear what has happened from other sources;
    • Explaining why professionals are involved and what their role is;
    • Helping them to explain what has happened if they are asked questions;
    • Answering their questions when they are ready to ask them;
    • Involving them in the funeral arrangements
    • Talking about the dead person and sharing memories of them
    • Sharing that is normal to have lots of different feelings when someone has died;
    • Finding ways to help them to express their feelings;
    • Acknowledging their anxieties and reassuring them that they are safe;
    • Recognising that the child may need professional help
    • Keeping open lines of communication between home and school.

Books you may find helpful

Hope Beyond the Headlines

Authors: Di Stubbs and Kate Gardner

This specialist book offers practical advice for families in the immediate days, weeks and months following a murder. It is written for both parents and professionals, giving them the confidence to involve children and young people in understanding and managing the particular difficulties and complexities that so often surround a death by murder or manslaughter.
After a Murder: A Workbook for Grieving Kids

Author: Dougy Centre for grieving children

Through the stories, thoughts and feelings of other kids who have experienced a murder, this hands-on workbook allows children to see that they are not alone in their feelings and experiences. The workbook includes drawing activities, puzzles and word games to help explain confusing elements specific to a murder, such as the police, media and legal system.
A Grief Like No Other: Surviving the Violent Death of Someone You Love

Author: Kathleen O’Hara

Violent death brings to survivors a different kind of grief. From intense feelings of guilt, anger and post-traumatic stress, to years spent dealing with the legal ramifications, those left behind in the wake of violence have to contend with unique circumstances that are different from a “natural” death.

For other book recommendations, please take a look at our booklist.